Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
