Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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