I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
