btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I skipped work to stalk him.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
