dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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