went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
