I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
