Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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