That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
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