I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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