i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
