genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
