He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
