I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
