I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
