I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
