it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I deserve this hangover.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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