Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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