Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
