How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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