Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
