I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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