respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
