just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
