mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
