FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
