So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
