So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
