My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
