she was so not down for the gang bang
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
