i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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