That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Randomize
