But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
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