I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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