At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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