Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
