she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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