Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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