1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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