Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
