How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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