my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
