Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
