Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Randomize
