I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
