We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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