I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
