He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I have post one night stand depression
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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