i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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