dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
