I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
