2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I feel like a drive thru vagina
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
