Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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