I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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