Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
