who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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